anecdote

A Ruined Experience

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Here’s my latest story of someone ruining The Experience™:

We decided to go to the suburbs this week to browse some book stores. Shopping in the city during the pandemic has been a nightmare, mainly because the stores aren’t designed for people to space themselves out comfortably.

So, we were pleasantly surprised that the shopping experience in the ‘burbs was much more enjoyable. The stores were more spacious, everyone was keeping to themselves, and we were actually able to find what we were looking for.

Everything was going so smoothly that we started store-hopping. We went from a used book store to a craft store to a hardware store and finally to a well-known book store. (I don’t want name them here so we’ll call them Barnes & Noble.)

99% of The Experience™ at Barnes & Noble was good. There was plenty of space to browse, we weren’t constantly getting bumped into by other customers, and their inventory was on point. I was even able to find several books I’d been looking for. But then, I headed to the register to check out and everything went off the rails.

“Hello! How are you today?” I said, as I stepped to the counter smiling beneath my mask.

The clerk responded politely, scanned my books, then turned to look at me.

“Do you have a Barnes & Noble account?” he asked.

I explained that I did not but thanked him for asking. But he pressed further…

“Well, if you signed up today you would actually make money. It’s only $25 but you’d save $27, so even if you never used it again it will have been worth it.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” I said calmly, hoping that was the end of it.

“All I need is your phone number and name and that’s it!” he said. He stood there frozen, as if he couldn’t proceed until I gave him my personal information.

“I think I’m okay,” I repeated.

“I wish I could turn down free money! That must be nice,” he said rudely.

I’d had enough. “Nothing’s free!” I said. “Last time I had an account it was impossible to cancel and you guys wouldn’t stop e-mailing me.”

He muttered to himself, dropped the receipt in the bag, and slid it to me without saying a word.

“Thanks so much,” I said, resorting to my well-practiced midwestern faux-kindness. “Have a great rest of your day.”

I left Barnes & Noble in a foul mood. Everything up to that point had been wonderful. In fact, our entire trip to the suburbs was fantastic. But then, in a few short minutes, The Experience™ had been clouded by my conversation at check out. What a bummer.

But, what can learn from this? At least two things…

First off, the cashier had tried to say that giving my phone number was no big deal. But that’s not true. Giving away your phone number is yet another invasion of privacy and a way for corporations to know more about you. I have a lot of friends who always say, “Who cares? They already have all the information about you!” To which I say, “That doesn’t make it right. And that doesn’t mean I’m going to hand over my information willingly.” I’m willing to pay two dollars more to make it as hard on them as possible.

And second, my experience — The Experience™ — should matter more to a company than my personal information or meeting a quota for member sign-ups. If you give me the best experience possible — from the moment I arrive at your establishment to the moment I leave — I’ll be your customer for life. No fucking phone number required.


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About Mark Toland

Mark Toland is an award-winning mind reader and two-time TEDx Speaker. His mind blowing skills have been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, NPR, WGN, Sirius XM, and more. Mark’s blog is a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a professional entertainer, full of creative thoughts for creative people. Sign up below so you’ll never miss a post.


I'm Ready

In college I used to drive to the outskirts of the city just so I could stare up at the stars. I’d put the top down and sprawl out in the back seat, just to enjoy the peaceful sounds of autumn in Kansas.

Sometimes I’d write in a journal or read a book. It was my way of passing the time and getting away from the demands of school.

One night I was sitting in the back seat dreaming about life after college. I was shuffling cards and thinking about doing a big show one day. I must have been there for hours.

Later, I got back to the dorms, parked the car, and headed inside. As I passed the car I noticed I had dropped a card on the back seat. My hands were full so I thought to myself, “No problem, I’ll grab it tomorrow.”

I walked upstairs and forgot about it.

A week later, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find two basketball players standing in the hallway.

“Show us a trick,” they demanded.

They were huge - easily 6’ 6” or more - and towered over me in the doorway.

“Um, okay,” I said, grabbing a deck of cards from my nightstand.

“Pick a card,” I said.

“No. I just want to think of it,” the taller player demanded.

“Okay, whatever you want.”

I knew there was no getting around it, I had to show them something amazing.

Word had spread around the dorms that the guy on the second floor would blow your mind. Guests showed up unannounced at all hours of the day and I would happily oblige them with quick impromptu performances.

When you’re a mind reader or magician, you have to be ready at a moment’s notice. No one would ask Yo-Yo Ma to prove his skills in an elevator. But, for some reason, if I don’t show you a trick before we get to the first floor then I’m not a real magician.

“I want the 3 of Spades,” he said.

As soon as he said it, I froze in place. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself. I remembered a week ago, walking inside and seeing a card - the FREAKING THREE OF SPADES - staring me in the face from the back seat of my car.

I remained calm and handed him the deck.

“Would you be impressed if I could make your card disappear…” I asked slowly, “and reappear in my car?”

They looked at me like I was crazy.

“The 3 of Spades, right?”

They nodded.

I motioned for them to open the box and let them look through the deck themselves. The 3 of Spades was missing.

“It’s in my car,” I said.

“No way in hell,” they said in disbelief.

We went downstairs and walked out to the parking lot. I let them get a few steps ahead of me so they would see it first.

And they did.

They went crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was all anyone talked about for weeks.

That moment may sound lucky but I don’t think it was. I think I had been planning for it my whole life up to that point. I was ready and took advantage of a great opportunity to give some people a truly wonderful moment.

Zig Ziglar once said that “Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.”

With the tour, my residency in Chicago, and some big shows, this has been a fairly successful year for me - but I can trace that success back to years of working and learning. It’s funny how every insignificant thing I was working on years ago is starting to come together now in ways that I couldn’t even have fathomed back then.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been paying my dues for years and wonder if I’ll ever get where I want to be. But then, out of nowhere, an opportunity presents itself and I feel more prepared than I’ve ever been.