I'm a liar.
My voice isn't always this loud. I have a microphone on and it amplifies the words I'm saying.
Standing like this isn't natural. No one stands like this in real life. My "upstage foot" - the one farthest away from you - is slightly ahead of my "downstage foot". It's a stance designed to make you feel as if you can still see me while I'm talking to someone onstage. It's literally called "cheating out".
I told you. I'm not telling the truth.
We're in this room with three real walls and a fourth one that we've invisibly agreed exists in the space between us.
Now we're just lying to ourselves.
You sit there, all facing the same way, and I stand here peering out at you through my glasses. One lens is necessary - I'm blind in my left eye - but the other is just a pane of glass. Another white lie to give the appearance of normal.
A faceless figure in the shadows is sliding switches and pushing buttons to make sure my amplified voice is the right volume and these bright lights - all pointed in my direction - turn on at the right time.
If they do their job right you won't even notice.
The inside of my briefcase, weathered by years on the road, is held together with gaff tape. Extra pencils and batteries sit just out of sight. You'll never see the ugly truth behind this facade I'm showing you.
My watch doesn't work, but I glance at it just to keep up appearances.
I'll be saying the same words I said last night but making them sound fresh and new. It may feel unplanned but I spent hours writing the script on my MacBook and refining it onstage. It took years to write it out and give you enough clues to fill in the blanks.
So I stand here, surrounded by lies, as the most sincere version of myself. Without those lies I can't give you the truth. I can't tell you the things that matter and make you forget the things that don't. I can't make you care without lying to you first.
I need this room with this invisible wall, and those chairs, facing towards the front. I need this mic and my mysterious friend to make sure I'm heard. I need to "cheat out" and say the same words I've said a million times. I need all of those things to keep this on the up and up.
What better place to be honest than on stage?