Opt Out

Towards the end of March I noticed almost an instant change in the way businesses were advertising:

“We’re all in this together.”

“We can help you be safe.”

“Let us provide for you in this time of need.”

Did you notice it, too?

I think the constant barrage of hashtags and clickbait and soundbites has exponentially increased my level of cynicism in recent years, but in this case I think it’s wholly justified.

Don’t for a second think that these business have your best interests in mind. They don’t. It’s all about their bottom line, plain and simple. It’s all about the bag.

This is part of the reason I dropped social media last year. There’s a need for “influencers” and “brands” to weigh in on every single issue and event. It’s exhausting. They have to change their profile pictures and bios, release a statement, and go live on instagram so they can “be visible” - oh, wait, I mean “take a stand”. You saw brands do it with coronavirus and now they’re doing it all over again with Black Lives Matter.

Take HBO Max. Did you even know what HBO Max was when it came out? Of course not. It was confusing and no one was really talking about it. Then they remove “Gone With The Wind” to address some concerns for a while and suddenly everyone was saying “HBO Max Removes Gone With The Wind” From Their Platform.”

I could almost hear a corporate executive screaming, “Yes, we did! And that’s HBO MAX…M-A-X…sign up now!”

Companies finding ways to market themselves during a time of crisis make me sick. It’s a disgusting, awful way to do business and yet, many people seem to be celebrating corporations instead of seeing through the thin veneer of their opportunistic virtue signaling.

Recently we see this with the companies boycotting Facebook’s advertising platform. Russell Brand had some good thoughts on the matter and, as usual, said them in a much more intelligent way than I could:

The problem with all of this is that people are fed up with Facebook and are probably posting about their frustrations with them right now on THEIR FACEBOOK FEEDS. I’m not even on there but I guarantee you its true.

Everyone I know hates their social media. It makes them anxious and takes up too much of their time. They get in disagreements on it or find themselves getting more and more depressed. But, they’re convinced they can’t leave or even better, might be able to stay on and make some change.

But, if you really think any of these companies care about you then think again. They don’t. The social media companies don’t care and neither do the ones boycotting them. It’s all about the bag.

Whether they stay on the platform or not, the companies are all getting press out of it and we’re all forced to sit here and celebrating them for being “brave” and “supporting the cause”. And it seems hopeless, like there’s no escape.

But there is…

Don’t celebrate the brands. Don’t support the platforms that give them a message. Delete your social media. And don’t fall for shameless marketing that takes advantage of the current political climate.

Opt out.

One Month Off Of Social Media

Today is officially one month since I deleted my social media accounts.

You know what? Life is pretty great.

Turns out you have a ton of time for the things you want to be doing when you aren’t spending hours mindlessly scrolling websites that are specifically designed to addict us.

The funny thing is that unless you've read this blog, virtually no one has noticed that I’m gone. No family members have reached out to see what’s going on, no friends have wondered what happened. I’ve had one person let me know they couldn’t find me on Facebook and another person try to send me a message on Instagram - WHY?! - and have to text me instead. Other than that, life is exactly the same.

With my newfound free time I’ve been writing and reading more. I wrote an entire script for a new show I’ve been working on, rewatched some of my favorite movies, and doubled my exercise routine. I’m not worried about what’s trending on Twitter or staying current on social media, I’m only focused on doing the things I enjoy and trying to get better at them each and every day.

Truthfully, it feels like I’ve been off of social media for at least six months. I really wasn’t posting much towards the end. The only difference now is that I can’t login. I can’t see my friends’ posts or scroll through their latest photos. I can’t access my messages and I’m not up on the latest gossip. 

I don’t miss it at all.

I was worried that being off of social media might hurt my career goals or keep me from being informed. Wrong! All of my work comes in the form of e-mail or phone calls, so I’m still just as busy. And I just got a New York Times subscription so I still read the articles and keep up with breaking news without people on both sides yelling at me about it.

Perhaps the most annoying thing of all is when people reference social media away from social media: “Did you see that thing on Facebook about…?” or “Have you seen my Instagram story?” That drives me crazy. I’m really focused on being right here right now and many people are too caught up in the latest online challenge or drama to actually be here with me.

The funny thing is I really believe that this is what most people want, too. They want to escape social media but they’re too scared to walk away.

Someone showed me a post on Instagram and I was unable to hide my boredom, simply saying “Oh, cool.” They seemed disappointed and I could sense a fleeting realization dart across their eyes, as if to say “Oh yeah, this is pretty dumb, isn’t it?” 

I caught up with another friend I hadn't seen for a couple months and asked how they were doing. They said “Well just got back from that trip I wrote about on Facebook and that’s about it.”

I told them I wasn’t on FB any more and therefore I had no idea what they were talking about. And they lit up! I miss that feeling, you know? We used to get such a rush when we had good news to share or something difficult to confide in someone. Now we hurry to the internet to share it with the world without worrying whether it’s helpful or harmful or anywhere in between.

When my friend realized I had deleted social media he started to tell me about where he’d been and what he’d been up to. I could tell he was excited but also that he never did this. No one ever approached a conversation with him without already knowing most of the details. As a result, he’d forgotten how to tell a story. There was no beginning, middle, and end. Turns out when you only have 240 characters to get your point across you start to lose the ability to do it with more.

I think most people are desperate to get off of social media but they don’t know how. It’s simple: you just do it. Stay off for a day. If that goes well, make it a week. Then, go for longer. And don’t fall for the trap that you won’t log on or post but you’ll hang onto the account in case you need to “keep in touch with family or friends”. That’s an easy excuse. You need to delete it if you ever want to rid yourself of the constant impulse you have to sign in and start scrolling. If you really want to keep in touch with someone you’ll find a way. And you won’t have to rely on someone else’s platform to do so.

I’ve been convinced for years that I needed social media to be a good citizen and a successful entrepreneur but it’s not true. That’s just a lie we’ve been sold by corporations in Silicon Valley. You’ll be fine without it.

There was a moment a few months ago when I saw a post on social media that drove me crazy. I fumed about it for hours. I couldn’t get it off my mind. I called my wife to complain and woke up in the middle of the night angry about it.

Then, I stopped.

“What the hell am I doing?” I thought. "This isn't me. How am I letting a few lines of text on a screen get to me so much? Why does it matter? This is not worth my time.” That was the final straw. I’d been thinking about it forever - it was time to finally pull the plug.

That post was cleverly designed to elicit a reaction. That was the whole goal. Someone wanted to stoke the fire and stir up some controversy. They wanted me to complain and get mad and share it with anger and click and comment and write letters to the editor. They wanted to take up a small part of my brain and a large part of my time. And it worked - it fucking worked - but I refuse to let it work on me again.

My wife also deleted her social media last year. She told someone at a party a while back and they said, “But how do you keep up with memes?

Kill me now.

If the main reason you’re on social media is to keep up with memes then you may need to reassess your life. My favorite moments in life have never been on my phone. It’s not a photo or a video or an app or a gadget. It’s not a hashtag or an online challenge or a viral video. My favorite moments are always with people in places doing things that I’ll never forget: seeing the Grand Tetons, riding horseback through North Dakota, skydiving, performing in Dubai, getting married to Stephanie, seeing the ocean for the first time, and more.

I think the reason our phones are so addictive and social media is so popular is that we, as humans, really hate being alone with our thoughts. We don’t like the silence and we hate being bored.

I’m the opposite.

I want to get lost in my thoughts. I want to understand things and philosophize and have long discussions with people about life’s big questions.

I like long runs or car rides or flights where I can get lost in my own head. Being alone with my thoughts gives me time to dream up new essay topics or ideas for my show. Sometimes my thoughts go other places: I can’t get over that dumb thing I said the night before or something embarrassing I said many years ago. But that’s part of life! Coping with difficult feelings is an important and necessary part of my existence. Understanding where I come from, who I am, and how it’s made me into the person I am now are all important parts of getting older and being alive. I want to feel all the feelings and think all of the thoughts…not just the good ones.

Allowing ourselves to be alone with our thoughts is essential. “Oh, that sounds horrible, Mark!” I hear you say. It only sounds horrible because you’ve forgotten how great it can be. You’re so busy distracting yourself with hashtags and trending topics that you’ve forgotten that those things aren’t making you a better person.

Being alone with your ideas, free of distractions and noise, will make you feel more creative, smarter, and less cynical. You’ll start to understand why you have certain opinions, without needing a headline to tell you what to think and feel. You’ll start to dream again, saying “What if I did something like this…?” and remember how exciting it is to actually do something for yourself without needing to show it off to strangers on a website. 

I promise you: it’s worth it.

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Other Thoughts:

• Here’s my reading list for 2020.

• Go here for upcoming shows in Chicago.

• Some big announcements coming soon in 2020 but for now, I’m mostly excited to do shows, run some more races, and travel. Thanks for reading and I hope the new year is off to a great start for you!

Content

This week I went to a fall festival here in Chicago that had a long list of features, including calling itself an “instagrammable experience”.

I naively assumed that was one of many aspects of the event; that there would be tons of activities and a few picturesque locations around the grounds for photo-ops.

WRONG.

Turns out, being “instagrammable” was the whole point. Every square inch of the property was covered in autumn-themed set-ups, ready for the “perfect” photo. Wannabe influencers were everywhere we looked, phones at the ready, in search of more likes and more engagement. The whole goal of the place was to create content for their social media feeds. It was depressing.

There was no “experience”. Sure, there were drinks and games and a small corn maze, but even those activities were designed for the gram. The entire event was built on the illusion of fun.

“Step right up! Step right up! For the small price of $20 you can take these photos here and film this animatronic skeleton here! Show your friends how much fun you’re having!”

To me, a truly “instagrammable experience” wouldn’t have to advertise as such. It would just be so memorable that you couldn’t help but feel the desire to share it with others. But these new “museums” and “exhibits” built for the very purpose of sharing are incredibly dumb.

I know I sound like an old man screaming at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, but I don’t care. I guess I’m in the minority here, but I don’t want to share everything I do with the whole world. In fact, it’s more fun to go to something and not tell anyone. Whenever someone says to me “It was incredible…you had to be there!” it makes me way more envious than a photo in your grid ever could.

The truly depressing part of these events is the absolute misery that the viewer can’t see just out of frame. Before or after any beautiful photo you see on Instagram is a shouting match between boyfriend and girlfriend to make sure the pose and composition for the photo is just right. Or, the long line of people impatiently waiting for their turn to get the exact same pose. These people aren’t living in the moment, they’re just in search of the next photo. Then another, and another.

The people on your phone that look like they’re living their best life are not. They’re on their phone more than you are. It’s pitiful.

Over the summer I did a Q&A after my show with VIP members of the audiences. It was always full of interesting questions but one of my favorites was “What do you hope to be doing in five or ten years?”

If you had asked me that a decade ago I might have climbed onto the nearest table and loudly proclaimed my mission to change the world with my art, my ambition for fame, and my goals for success. But not any more.

Sure, I’m still ambitious and working hard on my career. But I’m also really content where I am right now. So I’m not looking ten or even five years ahead at the moment. I’m just…here.

I’m perfectly content with my early run and morning cup of coffee. I’m happy to be writing this post next to my wife and two cats. There’s a breeze coming in the window and I can hear the low roar of the city traffic down below. It’s exactly where I want to be and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I don’t need to snap a photo to remember this moment because I’m fully here living it right now. Try as hard as they might, an “instagrammable experience” will never compare with being fully present and doing something you enjoy with the people you love the most.

Now get off my lawn, I have more work to do.

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Other Thoughts:

• While working on this week’s post I came across this article about similar “experiences” in NYC.

• Use code “VIPACCESS” for 15% off tickets to tomorrow night’s Magic Penthouse extravaganza in Chicago.

• I’m dropping another new video on Monday - subscribe to my YouTube Channel so you don’t miss it.

• For now, here’s this week’s video: